The Unexpected - Be prepared to shed a tear or two!

Barbara J Larsen 

RIP 11/15/2014

In life there are always things that get thrown at you that you may not know how to handle or take in, and one of those is when someone you love tells you they are sick. It was around Spring time when Johnny's mom Barb went the 9 news Health Fair and got her check up from them. Some of the results came back that needed further investigation. She was never the type of person to show much pain or want people to feel sorry for her so she kept a lot to herself. Over the next few months she was having to go to the doctor a lot and get more and more tests done. We never knew what these tests were, well because she just kept them a secret and told us she was okay. With everyone's crazy busy schedule weeks turned into months. It was about the end of summer, Barb told us that she had stomach cancer. We were all devastated!! We asked all kind of questions and all she told us was that she was going to start radiation and that everything was going to be alright. The only problem was, that she was too thin to start radiation so therefore she would have to gain some weight. Well we all know that Barb is just too active and wont ever sit down to eat, and if she does she just picks at it. So this was going to be a chore! Johnny and I were in the process of buying our new house, Nevaeh had started school recently and Leona and Mindy were also too busy to keep up with each other. Mindy worked with Barb so she got to see her every day, and didn't notice too much change or any red flags with Barb. There were never any signs that anything was too terribly wrong with her.

 It was toward the middle of October that she got very very sick. She couldn't hold anything down, she was throwing up non-stop and was in bed for a few days with what we thought was the flu. Mindy and Leona traded off days to go over and stay with her to make sure that she was okay. She didn't want to go to the doctor, she was so stubborn, hints where Johnny gets it from, so she insisted that she was alright. After not being able to eat or drink anything for a few days she was beyond dehydrated and extremely week. James (Mindy's boyfriend) went over and told her that she was going to the hospital because she was not alright. She needed fluids and also to see what is going on. He loaded her into the car on Tuesday late morning and took her to the hospital. Mindy and James had their two kids and Nevaeh since it was fall break. The kids saw Grandma in a very bad shape and didn't really need to see any more. It just wasn't a place for them. The kids got picked up by James's mom and taken back to the house.

Once at the hospital the doctors checked on Barb and tended to her and things got a little weird. Johnny and Leona were both called and left work and went straight to the hospital to see what was going on. The doctors said that things were not good and that she is very very sick. They asked if anyone knew what had been going on with her or what types of mediation she had been taking. They told they doctors all they knew and that she had mentioned she was recently diagnosed with stomach cancer.The kids left and went to her house to see if they could find any documentation on the diagnosis or what the medications were that she was taking. They left for about an hour.  No one left their phone number with the hospital, just in case, so there was no way to get a hold of any of the kids if something went wrong in the ER.

While all the kids were gone things got complicated and they moved her to the ICU. We later found out that she had a heart attack while in the ER and another one as they were moving her up the ICU, she had severe septic shock, her liver and kidneys were failing and her lungs collapsed. The doctors and nurses told us that she was so sick that they weren't sure if she would make it.  She was on 100% oxygen, also numerous antibiotics and a great amount of pain meds. She had a tube down her throat and was pretty much in a coma. No one every wants to see their mother in this state. It was terrible for Johnny and his sisters to see and watch her be in so much pain. We spent every night at the hospital, each day was a waiting game to see what was going to happen next. She was such a strong person that we knew she would pull through and get out of the hospital. We just knew it! Each day things improved. Maybe only a little but, an improvement was an improvement.

 It was Halloween (her least favorite holiday). She was sitting up now and more alert and awake. Still on the pain meds, antibiotics, and the tube down her throat. But she was able to have some milk (her favorite).  She whispered a few words, what you could understand, here and there but not much conversation. She was able to see pictures of the grand kids in their Halloween costumes and even some homemade videos from the kids telling her they love her so much and hope she feels better soon. That weekend Johnny, Mindy, James, Leona, DJ and I all stayed all day and all night long because we wanted to be there in case something happened.

That next week (the first week in November), she went up and she went down. She was actually doing very well that they even took her off a couple of the antibiotics and removed the tube in her throat. Our hopes were getting better and better that she would be out soon. Johnny, Mindy, and Leona went to visit her every day. She didn't talk much but when asked questions she would shake her head yes, or no. She knew who everyone was also. So this was a wonderful feeling. It was a feeling of improvement. She was able to drink some milk, which is her favorite, but they had to make it thick in order for her to drink it so that ruined it. She didn't want it anymore.

 Johnny had come home from the hospital and we went on with our night, the normal stuff, dinner, homework, showers and bed. We hadn't really been sleeping well or very heavy with everything going on. Johnny's phone rings a little after 3 in the morning. He frantically woke up and so did I. It was the doctor, things took a turn for the worst. She went back down, had another heart attack, was loosing blood rapidly, had to be put back on oxygen at 100% and the tube back down her throat. We jumped up, got dressed and drove to the hospital. They were not sure why she was loosing so much blood. They needed to take her in for a scan that could see what was going on on the inside. They thought that when she was in the emergency room and they had to go in and put in a stent to open up her liver they may have caught an artery and that was what was bleeding. She had also started loosing blood up in her neck area where they had to go in to open up her lung when they collapsed during a heart attack. The doctors re positioned her stent and finally was able to get that bleeding slowed down and also the neck area stopped bleeding after 30 minutes of continuous pressure. Now they were having to give her numerous amounts of platelets and plasma as her blood was not clotting and this was why she was loosing so much blood also. They got everything under control, well as much as they could for the time being. We were at the weekend again which meant sleepovers at the hospital for all us kids. There was so many of us including all the family and friends that came by we pretty much took over the entire waiting room!! They continued to give her blood, plasma, and platelets and she still continued to bleed. They couldn't figure out why?

She began to absorb all the fluids that she was taking in through IV and her stomach begin to fill up they would have to start draining her. Her heart rate would fluctuate. It was terrifying, listening to all those monitors beeping over and over and the nurses run in and yell at her and then talk to her, take vitals. This went on for the next few days. Some days were less than others on the amount of plasma, platelets and blood she was given which was good. But she still needed them to live so this was concerning. Friday November 14th we were scheduled to have a meeting with the doctors to find out what our next option was and how she was doing and what he thought of everything. After everyone got off work they headed to the hospital to visit Barb first and then meet with the doctor about 7:00pm. The doctor told us the worst thing you can hear. "There is nothing more we can do for you" she would have to live on blood transfusions and machines for the rest of her life because of the state her body was in and all of the damage that had occurred from the septic shock and the organs failing. Johnny, Mindy and Leona all knew that this was not the way of life their mom would approve up. There was a long silence in the room after the doctor left. Everyone was kind of in shock that this was approaching the end. The kids were just talking about what mom would want and what was best for mom. Being in the hospital, basically on life support was not what she would of wanted. So they decided they would call the family and let them know what their decision was. And to give anyone the opportunity to come and say their last good bye as Saturday would be the day they ended treatment. Her heart rate began to race.... doctors said this was normal when your body was giving up. It would lat a couple of minutes and then go back to normal. It would continue to do this all night long. Doctors said that if it got to be so high and last for a long time it would basically kill her.

No one slept that night, there were family and friends in and out all night long and into the early morning hours. The heart monitor continued to beep over and over each time the rate would get high. Time seemed to be going way to fast. This was the last time we would all see Barb so time needed to slow down! There were more tears than I can describe. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to watch and be apart of. I had to keep myself together as much as I possibly could because I needed to be there for Johnny. He needed me, I was the shoulder that he could cry on. It was about 11:00 am on Saturday that Johnny, Mindy and Leona asked for the priest to come and say a final prayer for the immediate family. This took a while.... In the meantime her heart rate was beginning to race for longer periods of time, we were concerned that she was in pain because of this, there were more tears, visitors, hugs, and more tears. Doctors insisted that she was not in pain and when they were ready they would increase the amount of pain meds she has to assure that she was in a "comfortable" state.

The priest showed up and took Johnny, Leona, Mindy, Duane (Barbs brother), Lashelle (Barbs sister) into the room she was in and said a final prayer. Once this was over everyone came out and talk to the nurses and told them that they were ready... well as ready as they could be in this situation. They didn't want to see their mother suffer any longer. The nurse took the three kids into the room, increased the pain meds and then started to take out the IV's and all of the monitoring systems. They said that depending on her body it could be a matter of minutes, or hours. Just two minutes after everything was removed her heart rate get lower and lower before she took her final breath at 1:05pm.

We had already shed so many tears throughout the last two weeks I didn't think there would be any more, but there was. It was just a horrible feeling being in that hospital and balling with all of the family because we had just lost a wonderful women. But we were about to have to do something just as bad. We had to come home and tell Nevaeh that her grandma had gone to heaven. You cannot prepare yourself for this at all. All the way home I was dreading having this conversation. We got home and immediately she knew something was up. We pulled her aside and gave her the devastating news. It was horrible. Nevaeh was her first grand child and they had an amazing bond. Nevaeh shed some tears with the two of us and couldnt believe what we just told her. There would be no more dollar store shopping trips or sleepovers where she could stay up super late and watch Golden Girls with grandma. The rest of the day was a pretty emotional day for our family. We still cannot believe that you are gone. We miss you and love you more than anything! You are forever in our hearts.