Egg Retrieval

On Monday the 29th I had my egg retrieval scheduled. We got to the clinic about 8:00, check in was at 8:45am and surgery was scheduled for 9:45am. As they were checking me in the nurse let me know that my estrogen levels were over 10,000 which is ridiculously high. She also let me know that I was "an overachiever" with the amount of follicles I have. They got me all set up with my IV and had me sign all my consent forms and then it was time to go back. All I remember was them hooking oxygen up and asking me to scoot down and that's all. I woke up in recovery with a nice warm blanket.

While waiting in recovery the nurse came to let me know that they were able to retrieve 34 eggs!! Holy Cow that is a lot of eggs. Next, the embryologist came to let us know that Johnny's sample they got the day before wasn't as good as they hoped but that there were about 6-7 little strong swimmers they could use for ICSI (Intra-cytoplasmic sperm injection). ICSI is where embryologist selects a single sperm to be injected directly into an egg, instead of fertilization taking place in a dish where many sperm are placed near an egg. They would do ICSI later that day and we would get a call the following day with out Fertility report.

The nurses went over my discharge paperwork and let me know that I would need to start back on the Cetrotide that evening and also go get the other script for the additional 4 nights. I also needed to take the antibiotic for prevention of infection, and to come back in a few days to make sure that everything is looking good. I still have to take it easy, meaning no exercise, no baths or submerging myself in water, must drink LOTS and LOTS of fluids and continue to eat salty foods! Johnny so kindly went to pick up my additional Cetrotide, which cost $418.00.

That day was pretty non eventful just laid around, still was really bloated and uncomfortable. I went back to work the next day and again was extremely uncomfortable and bloated. I really could of used a wheelchair because it was a jaunt to the restroom and believe me with all the fluids I was drinking I was in there every 30 minutes, and walking was even painful! But things are moving forward so I am happy!! :)

Here is a look at what my stomach looked like even after I was done with the first round of shots before starting the Cetrotide again.

Johnny's Surgery

Since my follicles were getting to be the size for retrieval they went ahead and scheduled his sperm extraction for Sunday June 28, at 7:00 am. Whew that was early for a Sunday.... we got to the surgery center about 6:20 because check in was at 6:30. Well being a little ahead of the game didn't do us any good because no one shows up until 6:30, so we had to wait and didn't get upstairs and checked in until 6:40 am. Once we got up to the check in room it was like rush rush because they needed to start on time! The nurse kinda sucked at giving Johnny his IV, which she should of had no problems because he has HUGE veins, but they had to stick him 3 times before getting it to work. He signed all his consents and started anesthesia and was off to the OR.

Johnny Oh So Excited for Surgery

I had to go get labs drawn for the last time to check on my levels again just to see about that OHSS. Well apparently all the nurses must of been sleepy because my nurse had to stick me twice before getting a good vein.... She told me that they normally wont call with results with this draw so no news is good news.

Johnny got out of surgery about 8:00 am, quick and easy! Dr. Mills came out to tell me that he did very well. The aspirated all sperm from his right side and gave him a small stitch, he asked Johnny how he was doing and well good since he didn't remember anything from getting the IV on. They gave him his discharge instructions, an ice pack, pain meds and we left about 9:00. Doctor said we would get the report most likely the next day.

Just a little loopy

On another note.... I got a call later in the day from the nurse saying that my levels were still super high and that after my egg retrieval I would need to continue the Cetrotide injections for 5 days to minimize the chances of OHSS. It usually occurs after the retrieval because the follicle pockets will continue to fill up with fluid after the eggs are retrieved and the fluids could leak and spread to my heart and lungs. So because I only had one Cetrotide kit left she was needing to call in another prescription.

Daily Ultrasounds

On Wednesday June 24th I went in for my ultrasound and labs. The ultrasound again measures my lining as well as all the follicles in each of my ovaries. I have been very very bloated and so loose baggy clothing are my BFF right now! Since I am so bloated and my ovaries are growing very fast this ultrasound was pretty uncomfortable. The ultrasound showed that in my left ovary I have about 7-9 that are growing pretty large, and the biggest one is 16mm. In my right ovary I have about 7-11 growing and the biggest one is 17mm. Which is great considering that two days before the biggest ones were 11 and 13mm. They still have some growing to do until they are able to come out. They also saw in my left ovary that I had a free fluid pocket. This is normal in people that have so many growing follicles but I have to really take it easy and not be on my feet so much so the fluid doesn't increase. I was able to get some pictures of what the growing follicles look like.

The little black dots are the follicles.

Here is the list of the measurements they took of each follicle. In the column that says CM is actually the MM measurements.

I got the day off on Thursday the 25th (that was super exciting for me), so my next appointment to check on the follicles and get my blood drawn was on Friday the 26th.

Friday when I went in they told me that everything was still looking good but that my Estrogen and Progesterone levels were really elevated. This is to be expected because I am pumping in all these extra hormones and I am pretty young to begin with. The only concern with this is that if the levels get too high then there would be a concern for ovarian hyper stimulation syndrome. This is where your ovaries become swollen and fill up with fluid which causes a lot of pain. It could also cause severe problems and make it to where the IVF cycle will have to be put on hold after egg retrieval. The doctor said he would know more after my labs came back later that afternoon. He would call me to tell me my next dosage of medications and what the future plans were. During my ultrasound they found at least 15 growing follicles in my left ovary, with the biggest one being 20mm. In my right I had 13 growing with the biggest one being 25mm. Things were looking very good and close to getting these things pulled out!! Thank Goodness because at this point even walking was pretty painful. 

Later that afternoon I got a call from the nurse stating I did not need to take my night shot of Follistim but to continue my morning shots on Saturday and to come in for what would hopefully be my last appointment for labs and ultrasound. She also gave me the bad news that we will not be able to have a fresh transfer due to my ovaries being a little too big and my levels being highly elevated. Its upsetting but better to play it safe and not put my body through anymore strain right away. 

A look at what my stomach looks like on the last morning of shots.

Saturday the 27th I went in for my labs and ultrasound and they found about 24 actively growing in my left with the largest few at 24, 22 , 21, and 20.5 mm. In my right they could see at least 20 active and the largest ones were 26.5, 24.5, 23.5, and 20 mm. All looks good because the goal is to have the majority of the growing follicles need to be at least 20 mm before they will remove them.  

This picture shows both ovaries touching each other and all of the growing follicles inside both. 

After the doctor looked at my results of the growing follicles he was happy with the size they were and gave me the OK to give myself the trigger shot. I did not have to take my follistim any longer just the dexamethasone. I also was instructed to take my Lupron shot at 11:45 pm and then again at 11:45 am on Sunday for an egg retrieval date of Monday. I was instructed to take .8 ML of the Lupron, which requires two shots!! One with the syringe filled to 50 units and another filled to 30 units..... WOWZA that is A LOT of medication. 

Just some info on what exactly the trigger shot does.... Lupron injection induces a surge of LH and FSH hormones from the pituitary gland that works to induce proper maturation of the eggs. 

Here is my Trigger shot supplies

Appointment Check In

On Monday June 22 I went in for my first Lab and Ultrasound appointment after starting the medication. They were checking to see how well my follicles were responding to the stimulation medication. After the ultrasound the nurse told me that in my right ovary there are about 30 active follicles and the largest is 11 mm, and in my left there are about 20 active and the largest is 13 mm. Things are looking great from the ultrasound and I need to increase my salt intake a little to make me thirsty and also drink lots and lots of water or Gatorade.

Later in the afternoon the nurse called and let me know what doses take for the next couple of days. I have to add an additional injection of Cetrotide to my morning routine. Cetrotide is a medicine that helps prevent early ovulation. It blocks the hormone that causes the eggs to be released.

So just imagine all of these follicles growing in my ovaries and them not being able to release... lets just say I was over bloated!

Menopur and Cetrotide

The aftermath of the Cetrotide injection

Tuesday the 23rd I had to go in for my IVF Physical. This was just to go over some consent forms, check in with my height, weight, lungs, and the whole nine yards. Johnny also got his extraction paid for so we should be all good to go for the procedures when the time is right.

Halfway through 2015

Whoa crazy to think that 2015 is half over already!! I can't believe how fast it has gone. So many things have happened this year already.......

Johnny and his sister had to start going through their moms house to clear everything out of it. Sort through everything that each of them wanted and decide what to do with the rest. It's safe to say that she had A LOT of stuff!!

In January I had the polyp removed from my ovaries so we can continue on our IVF journey. Something that would normally not be a huge concern to someone that is conceiving naturally but when you are doing it at a clinic they want to make sure they look at every possible thing that could limit the chances of the pregnancy actually happening.

 Nevaeh started soccer in the spring, she was a little hesitant at first but in the end she loved it. Her team was made up of a lot of kids that were new to soccer also but all in all it was a good season and they won 1 of their games. She is excited to start back in the fall.

In April, Nevaeh turned 10!! Ahhh so crazy to think she is going to be a teenager soon. She had a pizza party sleep over with a few of her friends. Stayed up until all hours of the morning of course.

We went to Mexico to celebrate our good friend Katie's 30th birthday. We did an all inclusive in Playa Del Carmen. Which is a change in pace from the cruises we usually do. It was definitely a different type of vacation. We all had a lot of fun, but I think that it was just WAY too much walking for me!!

Nevaeh finished her 4th grade year at Summit and is excited for the summer and also to start at a new school for 5th grade.

Last day of 4th grade!!

Johnny really needed a new car since he has been promoted to a lead at work. It's really hard to fit ladders and numerous bags of tools in the back of a two door Honda. But since Mr. Johnny has had bad luck with cars over the last couple of years it was my turn to get a new one and he gets the hand me down. So in late May this chick got a 2008 GMC Denali. I absolutley love it!! 

In early June we took our family trip to Glenwood Springs. This is always a hard but exciting trip. Johnny's dads ashes were spread at the top of Hanging Lake many years ago and a tree was planted in his memory. Its always nice to see how big the tree has gotten each year. This year we took the trip with the extended family to spread Barb's ashes next to Paul. This was her request long before she got sick. She loved going to Glenwood and doing the hike with Paul before he passed and even after. It was an emotional time but so glad the two of them can be together in a place they shared. While we were there we had to visit the Italian Underground!! OMG if you haven't tried it you have to, its delish! We also went to the amusement park and rode the rides. We made it kind of a short trip as we had to get back to town to go to the Luke Bryan concert. Something I have been wanting to do for a while now!

We also celebrated with our friend Chris, his daughter Zuri's first birthday!

Looking forward to what the rest of the year will bring us......... Stay tuned!

Suppression Check and Labs

On June 13th I stopped taking my birth control pills. I also scheduled my first appointment back with CCRM after officially starting the IVF. My appointment was on Thursday June 18th at 7:30am. Johnny did not come with me to this appointment because they were just checking on me and he didn't need to be there. The reason for this appointment was to do an ultrasound checking to make sure no cysts formed on my ovaries and checking on the follicles that are forming. Good News!! No cysts and my ovaries look wonderful and there are lots of follicles in them, which mean lots of eggs!! The biggest follicle was 9mm in my left ovary. I also had labs drawn to check my progesterone and FSH levels.

Johnny also got a call that day to inform him that he needed to have his extraction procedure with TUCC paid in full by the 23rd. The total for this was $2200.00

I got a call mid afternoon to give me my results and the blood results were good and I got the OK to start my medication. I started the daily injections on Friday the 19th. I had to take one shot of Menopur in the morning, one shot of Follistim in the evening, and a pill of Dexamethasone at bed time. The shots had to be 12 hours apart so I chose to do 8:00 am and 8:00 pm, so its not too early in the morning or too late at night. I was already super nervous to give myself these shots in my stomach in the first place and it didn't help that the morning medication burned really bad as it went in!

Just some info on medications. Menopur is a medication that stimulate ovulation, Follistim is a medication that contains FSH that helps stimulate the ovaries to produce eggs, and Dexamethasone is a steroid.

Here is an idea of what my morning and nights look like........

Morning shot of Menopur

Evening Shot of Follistim

Birth Control - Payment - Medications

So because this process has so many details I decided to get a journal and also a few apps on my phone to help me keep all of my appointments, finances, and medications in order. It also gives some short passages to help you keep calm and what to expect with each activity.

The first step in the IVF process is the pre-cycle. During this first step your body is being prepared for treatment. Each persons body is different and therefore this step can take a few weeks to a month.

I started my cycle on May 23rd. I had to start on birth control on my day 3 of this cycle. Yes I know what you are thinking, "Why would you take birth control if you are trying to get pregnant". But this is protocol for most IVF cycles. Birth control helps your ovaries respond better to the stimulation meds and also control  your cycle. I started the birth control on May 25th.

I also take a prenatal vitamin each day.

My body has not had any sort of birth control for over 10 years so it really made me react to it. I had a lot less energy, some days I had no appetite and others I wanted to just eat all day. I also had some body acne that I could of done without especially since it was while the weather was warm and tank tops were my thing :/ I don't think that I was too moody but maybe Johnny would say different LOL

I mailed our checks on May 26th to pay for our IVF procedure. These were the largest checks that I have ever written. It was so exciting to send these out because that means we were one step closer to a baby. But man oh man that was a lot of money to send out in one day. :)

I starting calling all of the pharmacies that were on the list I was given to do price shopping for the medications. I am all about saving money no matter how much it is. I called each pharmacy and created a excel spreadsheet so that it would be easier for me to keep track and compare each pharmacies prices. It was very in detail because each pharmacy has different programs, and discount coupons for each medication. After two days of research I chose which pharmacies I wanted all my medications from and sent the list to my nurse. She sent the prescriptions to all of the pharmacies and I waited for them to call and confirm. In total my medications cost me $2,875.00.

The meds list and spreadsheets I made

June 12th all but one of my medications came to my front door! The other med I will have to get from a local pharmacy when I am instructed to. Yippie!! I cannot start them until my doctor gives me the OK, so I will update you when I get started.

One Day Work Up

The next step for the both of us was to do a one day work up at CCRM. We had this done on April 28, 2015. This was an all day appointment for both of us to meet with the IVF specialists, get  a huge packet of information, have more blood tests done and disease testing. We were also told that in order to prep for pregnancy we needed to start weaning all alcohol and caffeine intake, also I would need to stop playing sports before I could start on any of the medications. If anyone knows me the not being able to play sports was the absolute hardest for me because in the summer I usually play volleyball 3 nights a week and softball 1 night a week. I knew this was all for the good but its going to take some getting used to. The total spent at this appointment was $1,500.00.

We also met with our assigned nurse to get our "mock-up" calendar for the start of our IVF and my medication list. It was my responsibility to call around to different pharmacies to decide which one I wanted to order my meds from since I have to pay out of pocket for these and they can range anywhere from $3,500 - $6,500.00.

The last appointment we had was to meet with the business office to make a down payment for the IVF procedure. Since I had double paid my deductible at my surgery I had a credit and only had to make a payment of $393.80.

The booklet of info we got and had to read through.

A few days later we received our detailed bill of what we had to pay before the start of our procedure. The total was.....................  $19,760.00! This also does not include the extraction that Johnny will need to have done or the harvesting of any extra embryo's.

Johnny had to go back to TUCC to follow up with his urologist to confirm everything still looked good with his hormone levels and confirm the type of extraction he would need to do for the IVF. He got the all clear on his end. The cost of this appointment was $40.00

Now we play the waiting game. We have to wait for my cycle to start in order to move forward!!!

We still have our gofundme page up if anyone would still like to donate to us. Again we appreciate every donation big or small. Here is the link to our page.... http://www.gofundme.com/Jessica-JohnnyIVF

Surgery

After things calmed down a little bit I rescheduled surgery for January 15 of 2015. I had to drive all the way to Avista the day before to have a pre op appointment with my doctor. At this time I also had to pay the rest of my deductible in order to have the surgery. The cost at this appointment was $690.00.


Sunrise Mom and I got to see from my room at Avista

Since Johnny was busy at work and didn't have any PTO available we decided that it would be best that he go to work and have my mom take me to surgery so he didn't loose out on a day worth of pay. I had to be at the hospital at 6:30 in the morning for check in. They got me all settled in and had me sign some consent forms. The anesthesiologist came in and gave me the "happy juice" and the doctors wheeled me back to the OR room. I remember getting very nauseous while they transferred me onto the operating table. I threw up a few times so they had to give me anti nausea meds and then I was out. I woke up about an hour later and they said that everything went well. They cut a small incision in my belly button for the camera and also went in vaginally to remove the polyp. I was put on bed rest for the remainder of the day and my mom had to stay with me until Johnny got home from work. The next few days I had to take it easy as I was still very sore in the stomach area. I was able to return to work after a long weekend. I received a couple of bills in relation to the surgery that totaled, $885.00.

I went back to have a follow up and a regroup with the doctor on February 3. They wanted to check and make sure that everything looked good after the surgery  Doctor went down to check and said "It looks like a great home for a baby for 9 months". That was the news we were hoping for and now we could move forward with the IVF. The cost of this appointment was $115.00.

Diagnostic Testing for IVF

Life got busy and we knew that this was going to be a bit expensive so we had to put it off for a little while..................

At the beginning of August 2014 is when I started all of the diagnostic testing for the procedure. I went and had numerous blood draws done to check my hormone levels. The cost for this was $510.00.

Next I had a Doppler ultrasound, an HSG, and a hysteroscopy. A Doppler ultrasound is a test that measures your blood flow in your body, an HSG test is where they insert a gas into your fallopian tubes to make sure they are open and do not have any blockage. The last test I had to get was the hysteroscopy, this is a test that shows the inside of your uterus and checks for polyps, scar tissue, or any abnormalities that would cause a reason for pregnancy not to be successful. Let me tell you how uncomfortable this was. I wasn't really sure what I was getting into and scheduled this to be done on my lunch break. Lets just say the rest of the afternoon was very painful. The cost for this appointment was $2,660.00.

Picture of Doppler Ultrasound

During the ultrasound they also checked my resting follicle count to see how many I had. Anything greater than 8 is a lot, and usually a good indication that a great number of eggs will be collected and pregnancy will be successful. My counts were very high which is good but also could be bad because I could overstimulate which could cause a pause the whole process. I had 35 resting follicles on the right ovary and 20 resting follicles on the left. WHOA!!!

 In late August I went back to have a regroup with the doctor to discuss the results of all the testing I had done. During this I found out that I had a polyp in one of my ovaries that would need to be removed in order to move forward. This was just an out patient surgery and would be fairly quick. There was only two places I could have this procedure at, those were the CCRM in Lone Tree or Avista Hospital in Louisville. If I went to Avista Hospital I could send the claim to insurance and would not have to pay as much as if I went to the CCRM office. Well clearly that decision was easy. I scheduled my surgery for the beginning of September. Once the time came around I had to cancel because we were in the process of selling and buying a new house so I couldn't spend any large amounts of money at that time. Then life got very complicated and we had to focus on dealing with was going on with Johnny's mom.

The total we paid out in 2014 was $3170.00.

In October of 2014 I thought I would make a go fund me page to help up raise money to pay for all of our appointments. I didn't know how this would turn out but from our friends on Facebook we raised $400.00. We are forever grateful for the donations everyone made.

Please feel free to check out or site and donate to our fund. We appreciate any donation to making or future brighter.

http://www.gofundme.com/Jessica-JohnnyIVF

In the beginning of our IVF Journey

Most everyone knows that Johnny and I have struggled to get pregnant on our own. So I thought I would share the journey we had to take, with you. It's a very long, and extremely expensive process!!

My life dream was to have 2 kids, hopefully one boy and one girl. I even had names picked out for my future kids since I was a teenager. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 25. When Johnny and I got together in April 2009 I was only 23 so this dream was still possible. This is bad to say but after a few months we never avoided getting pregnant but were not really trying. Months went by and we hadn't gotten pregnant and now were about to start planning our wedding. I had the thought that this was going to be the time would end up pregnant since we were planning our wedding. But still nothing happened.

When I went for my annual check up in 2011 I explained my situation to my OB and she told me that Johnny would need to get tested. Our first step was for Johnny to go see a urologist to make sure that his hormone levels were good. A doctor at my moms work referred Johnny to a urologist at TUCC.

Johnny's first appointment was at the first of 2012. His blood tests came back normal and the doctor told Johnny to start taking Benadryl daily to possibly help improve his sperm mobility, and to come back in a few months to see if there has been any change. When I was at my annual I had the same type of hormone testing done. Since both of our blood tests came back good and looked normal for our age there was no apparent reason why we should not be able to conceive on our own. Since these were just simple blood tests they were covered by our insurance and the only thing he had to pay was his copay of $65.00.

Johnny went back for his follow up and reported no change and no pregnancy yet. The urologist gave him some prescription meds to start on in addition to taking the Benadryl and to try this for a few months. This appointment was $40.00.

Summer of 2012 and still no change. So the next step was Johnny getting his sperm tested. Johnny's diabetes has been a struggle his whole life and it has damaged parts of his body and made his sperm not healthy when it comes out on its own. At this point we were told that we would not be able to conceive a child on our own and would need some sort of medical help. As you can imagine we were crushed and needed time to heal our emotions. This appointment was $121.00.

At my annual check up in late 2012, my OBGYN referred me to the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine to discuss what options we would have since it had been more than a year with unprotected sex and no successful pregnancy.

Total money we had already spent after 2012 for doctors visits and medications was $300.00.

I scheduled my appointment in January of 2013 at CCRM. I went and had a consolation with the doctors there just to tell them our story. Since this was mainly a clinic for women I went by myself. I was told that I would need to have all the testing I had already done with my OB done again because once you go through fertility you had to have everything done there. I would also have to have numerous ultrasounds to check how my body was and if it was healthy enough to even carry a baby. Our insurance covered this appointment and I only had to pay my $15.00 copay.

Johnny and I went back to CCRM together in February of 2013. I didn't think that we needed to go through fertility at this time because we were both still young, and Johnny had already fathered a child. I also didn't want to have to go and re do all of the basic testing done again and have to pay out of pocket for it because most fertility testing is not covered by insurance. The doctor told us that first thing is Johnny needed to get his sperm tested. We explained what happened at his last appointment and he told me that he would have to go back urology and see what his next option is. If they couldn't get a healthy sperm sample then we would need to look into donor sperm.  Our insurance changed and we were no longer covered and the cost for this appointment was $115.00.

Things got busy in life and before we knew it we were in the middle of 2013. Johnny went back to TUCC to talk about his situation. The doctor told him that because of the results of the last appointment he had, they would need to gather a sample of sperm straight from his body. The only way to do this is to take a needle and poke him in the testicles to gather a sample. The doctor said that if this came back normal the procedure we would do is referred to as "the turkey basting method" or IUI. This can be done at a fertility clinic or some OB offices do it. The cost of this was about $3-5K. We both thought well its not as bad as it could be and that we just prayed that when they tested his sperm sample everything would all come together.  So you can imagine that this would be very painful, and all he got was a little relaxation medicine and sent home with ice packs. Needless to say he was uncomfortable for a few days! The cost for this appointment was $40.00

We waited a couple of days and got the call, his test results were back and his sperm was all healthy and normal. We were excited that now all we had to do was schedule an appointment with my OBGYN to get the procedure done. When I called her she told me that the only way she would do IUI (turkey basting method) was if he could produce a healthy sperm sample on his own or if I used donor sperm. Since we knew he would have to have the extraction done in order to get healthy sperm we were back to square one. In the meantime we tried to find any other doctor or OBGYN that would do the IUI method using extracted sperm rather than a fresh sample, without having to do all the testing that was needed at CCRM that I had already done with my OBGYN. We were unsuccessful. :(

We were told that the only option for us now would be IVF instead of IUI. This was a lot more of an in detail procedure and was much more expensive. The cost of this kind of procedure is anywhere between $20k and $30k depending on types of medications and so on. We didn't expect this and were now upset that we had no idea how we would do this because that is a lot of money. The cost of this appointment was $235.00.

The total out of pocket for 2013 was $405.00.

The Unexpected - Be prepared to shed a tear or two!

Barbara J Larsen 

RIP 11/15/2014

In life there are always things that get thrown at you that you may not know how to handle or take in, and one of those is when someone you love tells you they are sick. It was around Spring time when Johnny's mom Barb went the 9 news Health Fair and got her check up from them. Some of the results came back that needed further investigation. She was never the type of person to show much pain or want people to feel sorry for her so she kept a lot to herself. Over the next few months she was having to go to the doctor a lot and get more and more tests done. We never knew what these tests were, well because she just kept them a secret and told us she was okay. With everyone's crazy busy schedule weeks turned into months. It was about the end of summer, Barb told us that she had stomach cancer. We were all devastated!! We asked all kind of questions and all she told us was that she was going to start radiation and that everything was going to be alright. The only problem was, that she was too thin to start radiation so therefore she would have to gain some weight. Well we all know that Barb is just too active and wont ever sit down to eat, and if she does she just picks at it. So this was going to be a chore! Johnny and I were in the process of buying our new house, Nevaeh had started school recently and Leona and Mindy were also too busy to keep up with each other. Mindy worked with Barb so she got to see her every day, and didn't notice too much change or any red flags with Barb. There were never any signs that anything was too terribly wrong with her.

 It was toward the middle of October that she got very very sick. She couldn't hold anything down, she was throwing up non-stop and was in bed for a few days with what we thought was the flu. Mindy and Leona traded off days to go over and stay with her to make sure that she was okay. She didn't want to go to the doctor, she was so stubborn, hints where Johnny gets it from, so she insisted that she was alright. After not being able to eat or drink anything for a few days she was beyond dehydrated and extremely week. James (Mindy's boyfriend) went over and told her that she was going to the hospital because she was not alright. She needed fluids and also to see what is going on. He loaded her into the car on Tuesday late morning and took her to the hospital. Mindy and James had their two kids and Nevaeh since it was fall break. The kids saw Grandma in a very bad shape and didn't really need to see any more. It just wasn't a place for them. The kids got picked up by James's mom and taken back to the house.

Once at the hospital the doctors checked on Barb and tended to her and things got a little weird. Johnny and Leona were both called and left work and went straight to the hospital to see what was going on. The doctors said that things were not good and that she is very very sick. They asked if anyone knew what had been going on with her or what types of mediation she had been taking. They told they doctors all they knew and that she had mentioned she was recently diagnosed with stomach cancer.The kids left and went to her house to see if they could find any documentation on the diagnosis or what the medications were that she was taking. They left for about an hour.  No one left their phone number with the hospital, just in case, so there was no way to get a hold of any of the kids if something went wrong in the ER.

While all the kids were gone things got complicated and they moved her to the ICU. We later found out that she had a heart attack while in the ER and another one as they were moving her up the ICU, she had severe septic shock, her liver and kidneys were failing and her lungs collapsed. The doctors and nurses told us that she was so sick that they weren't sure if she would make it.  She was on 100% oxygen, also numerous antibiotics and a great amount of pain meds. She had a tube down her throat and was pretty much in a coma. No one every wants to see their mother in this state. It was terrible for Johnny and his sisters to see and watch her be in so much pain. We spent every night at the hospital, each day was a waiting game to see what was going to happen next. She was such a strong person that we knew she would pull through and get out of the hospital. We just knew it! Each day things improved. Maybe only a little but, an improvement was an improvement.

 It was Halloween (her least favorite holiday). She was sitting up now and more alert and awake. Still on the pain meds, antibiotics, and the tube down her throat. But she was able to have some milk (her favorite).  She whispered a few words, what you could understand, here and there but not much conversation. She was able to see pictures of the grand kids in their Halloween costumes and even some homemade videos from the kids telling her they love her so much and hope she feels better soon. That weekend Johnny, Mindy, James, Leona, DJ and I all stayed all day and all night long because we wanted to be there in case something happened.

That next week (the first week in November), she went up and she went down. She was actually doing very well that they even took her off a couple of the antibiotics and removed the tube in her throat. Our hopes were getting better and better that she would be out soon. Johnny, Mindy, and Leona went to visit her every day. She didn't talk much but when asked questions she would shake her head yes, or no. She knew who everyone was also. So this was a wonderful feeling. It was a feeling of improvement. She was able to drink some milk, which is her favorite, but they had to make it thick in order for her to drink it so that ruined it. She didn't want it anymore.

 Johnny had come home from the hospital and we went on with our night, the normal stuff, dinner, homework, showers and bed. We hadn't really been sleeping well or very heavy with everything going on. Johnny's phone rings a little after 3 in the morning. He frantically woke up and so did I. It was the doctor, things took a turn for the worst. She went back down, had another heart attack, was loosing blood rapidly, had to be put back on oxygen at 100% and the tube back down her throat. We jumped up, got dressed and drove to the hospital. They were not sure why she was loosing so much blood. They needed to take her in for a scan that could see what was going on on the inside. They thought that when she was in the emergency room and they had to go in and put in a stent to open up her liver they may have caught an artery and that was what was bleeding. She had also started loosing blood up in her neck area where they had to go in to open up her lung when they collapsed during a heart attack. The doctors re positioned her stent and finally was able to get that bleeding slowed down and also the neck area stopped bleeding after 30 minutes of continuous pressure. Now they were having to give her numerous amounts of platelets and plasma as her blood was not clotting and this was why she was loosing so much blood also. They got everything under control, well as much as they could for the time being. We were at the weekend again which meant sleepovers at the hospital for all us kids. There was so many of us including all the family and friends that came by we pretty much took over the entire waiting room!! They continued to give her blood, plasma, and platelets and she still continued to bleed. They couldn't figure out why?

She began to absorb all the fluids that she was taking in through IV and her stomach begin to fill up they would have to start draining her. Her heart rate would fluctuate. It was terrifying, listening to all those monitors beeping over and over and the nurses run in and yell at her and then talk to her, take vitals. This went on for the next few days. Some days were less than others on the amount of plasma, platelets and blood she was given which was good. But she still needed them to live so this was concerning. Friday November 14th we were scheduled to have a meeting with the doctors to find out what our next option was and how she was doing and what he thought of everything. After everyone got off work they headed to the hospital to visit Barb first and then meet with the doctor about 7:00pm. The doctor told us the worst thing you can hear. "There is nothing more we can do for you" she would have to live on blood transfusions and machines for the rest of her life because of the state her body was in and all of the damage that had occurred from the septic shock and the organs failing. Johnny, Mindy and Leona all knew that this was not the way of life their mom would approve up. There was a long silence in the room after the doctor left. Everyone was kind of in shock that this was approaching the end. The kids were just talking about what mom would want and what was best for mom. Being in the hospital, basically on life support was not what she would of wanted. So they decided they would call the family and let them know what their decision was. And to give anyone the opportunity to come and say their last good bye as Saturday would be the day they ended treatment. Her heart rate began to race.... doctors said this was normal when your body was giving up. It would lat a couple of minutes and then go back to normal. It would continue to do this all night long. Doctors said that if it got to be so high and last for a long time it would basically kill her.

No one slept that night, there were family and friends in and out all night long and into the early morning hours. The heart monitor continued to beep over and over each time the rate would get high. Time seemed to be going way to fast. This was the last time we would all see Barb so time needed to slow down! There were more tears than I can describe. This was the hardest thing I have ever had to watch and be apart of. I had to keep myself together as much as I possibly could because I needed to be there for Johnny. He needed me, I was the shoulder that he could cry on. It was about 11:00 am on Saturday that Johnny, Mindy and Leona asked for the priest to come and say a final prayer for the immediate family. This took a while.... In the meantime her heart rate was beginning to race for longer periods of time, we were concerned that she was in pain because of this, there were more tears, visitors, hugs, and more tears. Doctors insisted that she was not in pain and when they were ready they would increase the amount of pain meds she has to assure that she was in a "comfortable" state.

The priest showed up and took Johnny, Leona, Mindy, Duane (Barbs brother), Lashelle (Barbs sister) into the room she was in and said a final prayer. Once this was over everyone came out and talk to the nurses and told them that they were ready... well as ready as they could be in this situation. They didn't want to see their mother suffer any longer. The nurse took the three kids into the room, increased the pain meds and then started to take out the IV's and all of the monitoring systems. They said that depending on her body it could be a matter of minutes, or hours. Just two minutes after everything was removed her heart rate get lower and lower before she took her final breath at 1:05pm.

We had already shed so many tears throughout the last two weeks I didn't think there would be any more, but there was. It was just a horrible feeling being in that hospital and balling with all of the family because we had just lost a wonderful women. But we were about to have to do something just as bad. We had to come home and tell Nevaeh that her grandma had gone to heaven. You cannot prepare yourself for this at all. All the way home I was dreading having this conversation. We got home and immediately she knew something was up. We pulled her aside and gave her the devastating news. It was horrible. Nevaeh was her first grand child and they had an amazing bond. Nevaeh shed some tears with the two of us and couldnt believe what we just told her. There would be no more dollar store shopping trips or sleepovers where she could stay up super late and watch Golden Girls with grandma. The rest of the day was a pretty emotional day for our family. We still cannot believe that you are gone. We miss you and love you more than anything! You are forever in our hearts.

Vaeh's bedroom makeover

Before we moved in.

Nevaeh had been asking since we were in the old house if we would paint her room. She really wanted us to paint each wall a different color and I said NO to that. It was just too much for me LOL. Johnny and I decided that we would give her a room makeover for Christmas. Yes this has been done since Christmas and I am just now writing about it LOL.

We had the hardest time trying to find, Neon blue paint. There isn't such thing as Neon paint for your bedroom, well that we could find at least. So we got as close as we could find. I ordered all new room decor for her. Once she went back to her moms house on Saturday before Christmas, we got to work. We had just a few days to get it all done.

Johnny did the majority of the walls, and I did the borders. He didn't trust himself getting that close to the ceiling with bright blue paint LOL

It only took us two days to get it all complete and then to put it back together.

Its safe to say she loves Zebra!! And we love the outcome. Now on to the next project!!